


Meet the Parents

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Dirk Gently Needs a Hug, Family, Gen, M/M, Meet the Family, Multi, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 22:57:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14628773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Technically, this might all have been Todd's fault. The problem had started when he realised the one way he could make introducing his eccentric, polite, British and undeniably male lover to his parents go more smoothly: to introduce him at the same time as Amanda introduced her partners. A little bit of homosexuality faded from importance when compared to a hoard of punk hobos, some of which were over ten years older than her. Mom and dad would be too busy panicking about what Amanda had got herself into to care about what he was doing.At least, that was the theory.





	Meet the Parents

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to lourdesdeath for edits, and triffidsandcuckoos for the cheering

Technically, this might all have been Todd's fault. (He certainly got the feeling a lot of things were, and for all his protests he did have to admit that sometimes the others had a point.) The problem had started with a broken clock. No, before that, when he realised the one way he could make introducing his eccentric, polite, British and undeniably male lover to his parents go more smoothly: to introduce him at the same time as Amanda introduced her partners. A little bit of homosexuality faded from importance when compared to a hoard of punk hobos, some of which were over ten years older than her. Mom and dad would be too busy panicking about what Amanda had got herself into to care about what he was doing.

At least, that was the theory.

It had been Mom who opened the door - Dirk had been worried about timing, and insisted on a ridiculous route there (which had apparently meant they missed several traffic accidents and road closures, listening to the travel report as they reached the drive). He was wearing a very smart pair of trousers, a yellow jacket which Todd had mistaken for Mona, and a digital watch around his wrist (actually Mona). Todd was wearing Todd-clothes, which today were a faded band t-shirt and his pair of jeans with the least holes in.

Dirk did an awkward almost bow, before holding his hand out towards Mom. He'd shaken her hand, then leaned in and kissed the back of it with a polite smile.  
"It's wonderful to meet you Mrs. Brotzmann, I've heard a lot about you."  
His mother was looking between the two of them, clearly beginning to put information together. 

Todd stepped forwards, clearing his throat.  
"Hi, Mom, this is Dirk Gently, he's the detective I've been working with, the one who helped smooth over the trouble with law enforcement." He glanced back over his shoulder, wondering where on earth his sister and the Rowdies were. They were meant to be here to be making his situation look less bad. Dirk was smiling slightly in that almost-vacant way he had.

"Do come in, both of you," his mother insisted, guiding them in. "So you're English, that's a long way from home-"  
Todd cursed, thinking of the phone message he'd left in the last gas station, having told Dirk he needed to use the bathroom. He'd grabbed the phone, called the house, and muttered "Hi mom and dad, someone I want you to meet, Amanda coming too, don't ask about where we met, or about the government or CIA even if they've been asking you things and don't call him a psychic." He'd hung up after that, and even then Dirk had looked at him strangely.

"It is," Dirk agreed sadly, before glancing down at his wrist and smiling to himself. "But I've found a new home now, with Todd and with the others."  
Mom nodded, and was fixing Dirk a glass of lemonade when he paused, then reached under the sofa, retrieving a silver bracelet decorated with enamelled butterflies.  
"Excuse me?" he murmured, heading up to the kitchen and holding it up. "I found this under the sofa,"

Todd's mother gasped and embraced him tightly, and Dirk made a strangled half-squeak of surprise, clearly not used to being cuddled like that.  
"I've been looking everywhere for that - I wanted to give it to Amanda, it was her great aunt's - she had pararibulitis too-"  
"Todd's started having attacks," Dirk informed her, and a few seconds passed before he added. "Again."

"Oh Todd," his mother bustled in, and treated him to one of her full body embraces. "I'm so sorry that they've come back."  
Todd glared at Dirk over his mother's shoulder, and Dirk smiled back, bouncing slightly as the door opened and his father walked in.

Todd stuttered out an introduction before thankfully a familiar sound of chaos echoed from the street.  
"What on earth could that be?" Todd's mom asked.  
"I believe that is your daughter," Dirk murmured demurely. "I mean, she certainly has your eyes, and your husband's chin-"

Both of Todd's parents approached the window with trepidation, and Todd hung back, staring at Dirk who waved and flashed him a double thumbs up. Todd felt the gesture was unnecessary, given that the Rowdies had clearly not managed to avoid any of the accidents. He wouldn't have been surprised if they caused them. He went to the door to watch, followed by Dirk. 

The van pulled up outside of the house, and the figures bundled out. Amanda led the way, running up to the front door and knocking, then embracing her parents when it opened, smiling widely.  
"I've missed you,"  
Their parents stood there dumbstruck, eyes widening as the Rowdies left the van and made their way towards the house. 

Todd felt he'd made a miscalculation.  
It was their dad who recovered first, looking at Amanda and then at the four men following her.  
"Who are your friends?"  
"These are the Rowdy Three," Amanda answered, as the four of them formed a protective semi-circle around her. "Martin, Cross, Gripps and Vogel," she listed off as she pointed at each. Vogel was still wearing a flower crown, and waved in greeting.

"I don't think we have enough seats, or any spare rooms." Todd's mom muttered, staring at them.  
"We're better on the floor anyway, and we can crash with Drummer," Martin answered, gazing back equally curiously. Todd noticed that Gripps had his sledgehammer sticking out of his rucksack, while Cross had a crowbar at his side - he couldn't help wondering if they used them like a child's blanket. Todd's mom seemed to have noticed that they were armed, and her eyes looked wide - he supposed that if there was something worse than finding out your younger child was in a polyamorous relationship with a bunch of tearaways, it was finding out that those tearaways were armed.  
"Where's Beast?" Dirk asked, peering curiously around the door.

"Don't worry," Amanda answered. "She's having a couple of days with Tina, you're safe."  
Dirk visibly relaxed, and Todd smiled a little, realising that ever since Amanda's arrival his parents had paid absolutely no attention to him or Dirk. 

"What… well, I guess you'd better come in," Todd's mom murmured, and then headed out to the kitchen mumbling about lemonade. Todd's father looked at the four men, and at Amanda who looked so small in front of them, and Todd wondered if perhaps this was something he should have warned him about.

It would be a lot to take in.  
"Amanda?" their father said softly, stepping forwards and embracing her. "You look..." his voice faded, as though he was struggling for a word, and Todd couldn't blame him. There were no easy words for this. Eventually he cleared his throat, and managed to say what he wanted to. "You look happy."

"It's thanks to Dirk really," Amanda answered. "He said that I suffered as much at home as if I went out in the world, and... it's tough. But these guys help." She squeezed Martin's hand, then Vogel's, as Cross and Gripps rested their hands on her shoulders.

Dirk seemed utterly delighted to be given responsibility for the fact Todd's baby sister was doing goodness knew what with a bunch of criminals. Before Todd could do any damage control, Amanda was leading her group into the house, muttering under her breath. Todd didn't hear much, but what he did hear 'glass.... Careful… vandalism...' was enough to make him even more certain that this idea wasn't his best.

After a couple of minutes everyone was assembled in the living room with some lemonade - Todd sat in an armchair, his parents on the sofa, Dirk (for some reason best known to himself) choosing to sit on the side table, and Amanda and the other Rowdies in a messy tangle of limbs on the floor. All of them seemed to have wanted to be in the middle.  
"Is that your car?" Todd's mom was asking Martin.  
"It's ours," Martin agreed. "Before we met Drummer, we were moving around a lot, so it's our home. But when we found her we wanted to stay close," he shrugged slightly, and Amanda leaned against his leg.

Dirk had managed to produce a pink curly straw from somewhere, and was sipping at his lemonade.  
"So Dirk, you and Todd met each other first?" Todd's mother asked, her voice cautious as though she was trying very hard to be diplomatic.  
"We did. I mean really we met before we met, but yes, I accidentally led to his being fired, and I didn't have anywhere to stay so he let me move in and share his bed."

Todd's father choked slightly on his lemonade, then yelped as Cross gave him a rather overly-enthusiastic pat on the back.  
"You two are sleeping together?" he asked. Todd opened his mouth to give a balanced answer, while trying to signal to Dirk to keep quiet. 

Unfortunately, Martin ruined it by snorting loudly.  
"Oh yeah, they're sleepin' together alright, aren't you boy?" he asked Dirk. "I mean, Drummer's brother's got a fucktonne of issues, practically fucking Roman about it, wants everyone to know he's on top-"  
"Fucking Roman about fucking," Gripps snorted, muttering to Vogel in a stage whisper. Martin continued unperturbed.  
"But yeah, they're sleeping together alright."

Now, Todd's mom and dad's attention was back on him, and he really wished it wasn't. Dirk was blushing slightly, and Todd was wondering why he hadn't realised before that inviting the Rowdies over might not go quite the way he wanted.  
If he was very honest with himself, very little in Todd's life went the way he wanted it to, both before and after meeting Dirk.  
"That's… nice..." his mum mumbled to herself, before pausing. "I'm baking cookies, would anyone like any?"

Todd afterwards wasn't sure if it was Dirk or Vogel who jumped to their feet first, but either way he and Amanda shared an equal look of slight shame - it was good the others were enthusiastic about this stuff, but it did somewhat ruin the Rowdies’ tough guy image to be excited about cookies. Although as Vogel was wandering around with a flower crown on, it was clear he possibly didn't care that much about the tough image the others cultivated.

The three of them returned with cookies after a few moments, Dirk and Vogel already contentedly munching on them.  
"You don't need to eat," Todd pointed out, and Vogel shrugged slightly. Both Cross and Gripps snarled slightly at that, and Todd got the feeling he might have poked at a sensitive spot without actually meaning to.  
"You don't need to drink beer. You do it because it's something you like," Martin said more diplomatically. "And we're all about having fun and doing what you like-" He held out his hand, and Vogel passed him a cookie. Martin seemed to take a concerning amount of enjoyment in biting the cookie man's head off. Especially because he managed to make eye contact with Todd while he was doing it.

Amanda accepted a cookie from Vogel graciously, and Dirk held one out to Todd slightly more reluctantly. Todd supposed he should probably be grateful it wasn't covered in pink glitter or something else equally embarrassing.  
"Thanks," he paused, then looked up at his mother. "Thank you."  
"That's alright... Vogel here was telling me you two took a road trip, Amanda?"  
"Something like that, yes," Amanda agreed with a smile, and Todd could see her deciding to skip parts like 'pursued by government agents' or 'laying down on train tracks'.

"It's amazing," their mother said, walking up and hugging her. "I... I wasn't sure you'd ever come and visit us, let alone..." her voice drifted off, and she looked towards the older three Rowdies.

Todd hesitated, and then blinked as his mother walked up to each of them and embraced them. Gripps seemed particularly thrown, his hand tightening on his sledgehammer. Martin was the only one who seemed aware enough to return the embrace.  
"I can't say you're what I wanted for my baby," Todd's mother told them. "But she's happy with you, and that means all of you are welcome in my house any time you'd like."  
"But if you hurt her, you'll regret it." Todd's father joined in. Given that he barely reached Martin's shoulders, Todd thought this might be a rather empty threat. But Martin nodded holding his hand out towards him.  
"Drummer's one of us. We ain't gonna hurt her, I swear it to you."

Todd's dad shook Martin's hand, looking rather confused by the whole situation. Dirk was happily crunching his way through another cookie, but raised his hand as though in class.  
"Yes dear?" Todd's mother asked.  
"Um, does the same apply to me? I mean, Todd was concerned you wouldn't want me here because I'm male, and I wouldn't deliberately hurt him, and if he was hurt accidentally because of me I'd regret it even without the need for threats, but..." Dirk looked down, his voice trailing off. At times like this, Todd was reminded that a lot of Dirk's confidence and positive attitude were only skin deep, and that beneath it at times he was still frightened.  
"It applies to you too," Todd's mother reassured, and Dirk punched the air in celebration, luckily missing the glare which was directed Todd's way as though this were somehow still his fault.

Todd wasn't even shocked.  
"We should meet your parents," Todd's father murmured to the room as a whole.  
"You already have met Todd and Amanda's," Dirk pointed out around yet another cookie.  
"We don't have parents." Cross muttered.  
"Fucking waste of space," Gripps added.  
"Don't need them," Vogel insisted.  
"We're all the family we need," Martin added. "Like, Drummer's got you and her brother, and that's great, you seem to care about her and her brother..." he paused. "Her brother sometimes makes her happy. But we don't need no one else."

"Sorry dears," Todd's mother murmured, then looked at Dirk. "What about your family sweetie?"  
"My parents have been told I'm dead, and Mister Priest says that if I ever get in contact with them he'll kill them," Dirk mumbled in what Todd couldn't help thinking of as his little boy voice, the one he used when he was losing control and getting trapped in memories. Dirk was fastening his wristwatch back on as he said it, then wrapped his arms around himself.

"Give the boy a fucking hug you asshole," Martin muttered, giving Todd a shove in the right direction. Todd glared, until he saw Amanda's expression and went to hug Dirk. Dirk nuzzled into it, desperate for the contact.  
Todd rubbed Dirk's back, feeling his body shaking slightly, and wished that he came with an instruction manual. No sooner had he thought that than he felt like a total dick - Blackwing almost certainly had an instruction manual on Dirk, and he didn't think that he wanted to know what it said.  
"None of us are letting you go back there," Todd promised, and Amanda nodded. Todd moved aside a little as his sister approached.

"Look, Dirk," she reached forwards, placing her hands over his. "We're not letting them take you. If they try? I happen to know four guys who would love absolutely nothing more than the chance to tear that place apart with their bare hands, and a woman who feels she needs the chance to fight that man. You're safe now."

For a second, Dirk hesitated, but then he nodded, leaning in to her and wiping at his eyes.  
"Sorry about that," he mumbled as he straightened up. "Really, nothing to be worried by." He saw Todd's parents expressions and shrugged slightly. "It's just sometimes I get a little shaky when I think about the secret agency which kidnapped me as a child, experimented on me for eight years then stalked me for sixteen when I escaped, and then recaptured me for further experiments."  
"The… secret ...agency?" Todd's father asked.  
"They're a branch of the government. Black ops," Martin supplied helpfully, spraying crumbs as he ate another cookie.

"It's alright, Mona helped me escape by sending me through a portal, and then when I had to go back there they didn't hold me long, and while they want to have me for experiments I'm determined not to let it affect my life or keep me running," Dirk replied, grinning in the slightly manic way he had.

"I thought you were a detective," Todd's mom asked.  
"I am."  
"And Mona?" Todd's father asked with a slight frown.  
"Oh, she's an actress, and she's a friend. She was an assistant before I met Todd but he's the best assistant ever. Even if he can make very not-sensible suggestions, he’s still the best assistant."  
"...Blackwing really fucked with your head, didn't they boy?" Martin asked, to laughter from the other Rowdies and a suppressed smirk from Amanda. 

"Why are the government after your boyfriend Todd?" asked Todd's mother, and Todd frowned a little, not entirely sure why he was getting the blame for something that had happened many years before he met Dirk. Luckily Dirk answered, saving him from any problems.  
"Because I solved a few cases of missing dogs when I was bored," Dirk explained, and there was frustration there. Hearing it said like that, Todd felt fury bubbling inside him, but also began to understand why Dirk was quite so... hesitant, sometimes, about what it was he could do. Dirk wanted to be a real detective, to solve problems by finding answers. But the universe wouldn't give him that.

"Isn't it time Drummer got some food?" Gripps asked, and Todd's mom blinked.  
"Uh, well, we were going to have dinner soon, I had some meatloaf in the oven, but I was preparing for six not..." Her eyes scanned the room. "Nine."  
"That's alright," Martin answered. "We don't eat."

"Other than cookies." Vogel pointed out, and Martin grinned and nodded.  
"Yeah, we eat cookies alright, but not food-food. We're happy to sit and watch Drummer eat though, want her healthy."  
"You do know that sounds pretty horrific," Todd pointed out. "You make it sound like you're farming my sister."  
"We aren't," Vogel protested, his arms crossed.  
"We just want her healthy you sicko," Cross muttered.  
"Bet he don't care what Dirk eats," Gripps joined in, and Todd stared at them in confusion. He was being judged by four men who were literally farming his baby sister, and somehow he was coming out as the bad guy.

"He does care," Dirk added helpfully. "He's said I'm not allowed more than one Unicorn Frappe Glitter Fairyland Princess Deluxe Shake a day because it contains enough sugar to stop a metaphorical horse, so I'll get hyperactive if I have more than that."  
"What is the difference between this and him being hyperactive?" Todd's father muttered, and Todd smiled, relieved at least someone was on his side.  
"It gets faster," Todd answered. "And bouncier. And he starts doing his "I did it" dance."

Helpfully, Dirk demonstrated his "I did it" dance. Todd's father stared, his lips pressed together in a slight frown, and then he nodded.  
"I see."  
Todd couldn't help feeling relieved that at least his father was on his side.

Eating dinner was an experience - like the Rowdies had said, they didn't eat - but they were quite happy to drink their beer and commentate. Todd couldn't help feeling anxious that at any moment someone was going to mention the lie he'd lived for so long. Everyone around the table other than his parents knew the lies he had told, and any one of them could have let the cat out of the metaphorical bag. He was fairly sure that that particular cat was more like a hammerhead shark.

Dirk was a polite dinner guest, saying thank you for everything he was offered. After his earlier explanation about Blackwing, he was thankfully silent about his past, choosing instead to discuss other things which were less horrific. Like the cases. He wasn't entirely sure that his parents liked hearing about the scene in the hotel room, but thankfully Dirk remembered he wasn't meant to mention Wendimoor. There were certain adventures that he didn't want his parents to know about, and a magical land was certainly one thing that it would be hard to explain.

"How have your attacks been recently?" their father asked Amanda, looking at her almost hopefully. Todd felt awful - he knew they would be hoping she wasn't having so many attacks, and that was what had enabled her to leave the house. But pararibulitis didn't work like that. He'd given them false hope.

"Still happening," she answered with a shrug. "I mean, these guys have been great, they look after me and help me to get over them quicker but..." Her voice faded for a moment, and Todd knew she was thinking of the sensations that overwhelmed you. Even though for Amanda the pain was short lived, and even though Dirk ensured they always had enough medicine, it still didn't help when the walls started to close in or fire prickled along your skin. He could feel his own skin crawling with disgust as he worried she was going to reveal his secret.

The fear he felt settled like a lead weight inside of him, and he stumbled backwards, pushing away from the table, knocking over his chair and hitting his head on the floor. There was a punishment Amanda had told him about once, in one of her phases of reading about gory bits of history, where a sinner was slowly crushed under rocks. As he lay on the floor his body began to convulse, tremors creaking through his limbs as rock after rock slammed down, caused by his shame, by his guilt. He could hear noises, but that was nothing over the all-consuming pain and agony, and he could remember something else. A thought that darted away just out of reach. Something about this, something important, something that would make the pain stop. 

He was screaming. He didn't know what, just that he was, and when firm hands gripped him he couldn't shake them off.

Energy surged through him and the world glowed for a second a vivid blue before fading, the pain receding, tears streaking his face. He looked up, and found Dirk looking down at him, upside down. His head was resting on Dirk's knees, cushioning him from the hard floor that he had initially landed on. The Rowdies were crowded around him, but Dirk glared at them and they stepped away, leaving Dirk to embrace him softly.  
"Hey."

Todd felt exhausted. He couldn't quite understand where he was, only that he was overwhelmed by the sudden absence of pain.  
"Dirk?" he whispered, his voice hoarse.  
"I'm here," Dirk murmured, and Amanda was there.  
"You just had an attack. It's alright, it wasn't real." She said it so softly, so kindly, that he felt almost dizzy. "What happened? You weren't drowning or anything?"  
"Being crushed," he murmured, swallowing.  
"Like the inquisition?" she asked, her voice still quiet.  
He nodded, feeling dizzy as Dirk guided him off the chair and helped him to sit up.  
"What happened?" he murmured, exhausted.  
"I think we should go to bed now," Dirk said gently, helping him to his feet, wrapping his arms tenderly around him and helping him to his feet. Todd could hear other conversation happening, but he couldn't focus on that, aware only of his tiredness and the reassuring pressure of Dirk's arms around his shoulder.

Walking was hard, the exhaustion of what had happened leaving him shuddering. Dirk guided him to his childhood bed, and he curled up, Dirk wrapping his arms around him. Dirk was good at taking care of him after the attacks, patient, gentle. He tried to resist the urge to cry, knowing he was safe now. He'd been nearly crushed to death, but the rocks were gone.

He managed to look up at Dirk's face, and saw that he looked a little nervous, staring up at him sadly. Dirk leaned in and kissed his cheek, then paused, chewing cautiously on his own lip.  
"What is it?" Todd asked. Dirk wasn't good at hiding when something was worrying him.  
"You shouted that you lied," Dirk murmured quietly. "Before the Rowdies were able to get you still enough that they could feed, you said... you said you lied."

"Well fuck," Todd muttered, to a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder from Dirk. Maybe he'd get away with it - Amanda might be willing to lie in his defence, or his parents might have been too distracted by his having an attack to concentrate. 

A knock sounded on the door.  
"You decent?" That was Amanda, and he nodded slowly.  
"He is," Dirk answered. "I am too." He added after a few seconds, and Amanda pushed open the door.  
"Well, I just had to explain the Rowdies to our parents," she muttered, glaring at Todd.  
"Can't you just..." Todd began, his voice shaking a little. Even after the Rowdies assistance, his attack had still left him weak as a kitten. Dirk's arms were around him, providing much needed support, and he swallowed. "Can't you just say I would have said anything to make the pain stop?"

Amanda looked at him coldly.  
"Just because you'd have said anything to make the pain stop doesn't mean what you said wasn't true."  
Todd paused, feeling Dirk shivering slightly beside him. Glancing at him, he could see his gaze was elsewhere.  
"Hey, Dirk, don't spin out..." he murmured, and slowly Dirk pulled himself together, shuddering and looking at Amanda.  
"Do me a favour and don't say that again in my hearing. Ever," Dirk mumbled half to himself, before turning to Todd.  
"You need to tell them."  
"I could lie,"  
"You lie, you'll have another attack. It's the fear you have at lying that triggered it."  
"It's a sensible thing to be triggered by," Todd argued, crossing his arms determinedly. Both Amanda and Dirk stared him down, and he cursed under his breath.  
"They're going to hate me."

"Possibly," Amanda agreed. "I still hate you a bit for it. But it's a step towards a decent apology. Coming clean about what you've done-"  
"And if you get thrown out we already have a place together and enough money from the agency that you won't starve," Dirk added, clearly thinking he was being more helpful than he actually was. Todd took a couple of deep breaths.  
"Can I at least leave it until the morning?" he begged. Amanda and Dirk exchanged glances, and nodded.  
"If you freak out at night, scream or get Dirk to and I'll send the Rowdies in," Amanda offered.

Dirk paused, looking at Todd sincerely.  
"I think I would like to sleep in pyjamas tonight, if that's alright with you?"  
"That..." Amanda stared. "That is far more information than anyone needed, for god’s sake please leave some clothes on I don't need them seeing that."

Todd snorted slightly, but nodded, curling into Dirk's chest.  
"I don't want my parents to hate me."  
"I think it's a biological impossibility," Dirk reasoned. "They won't hate you. They might be angry with you, or hurt by what you have done, and they might wish you had spoken to them sooner or hadn't made such a mess of your life or that they'd raised you better so that you didn't consider that as a suitable course of action, but... they're not going to hate you."

Todd sighed, deciding that explaining to Dirk that he needed to work on his idea of comfort was a problem for Future Todd. As was explaining to his parents that he had lied in order to get his hands on their money, leaving his parents financially struggling and meaning that when Amanda had got sick, there was no money left.

He didn't sleep that night. Dirk was curled up, his head on Todd's chest and arm around his waist, still wearing his ridiculous pyjamas, and Todd laid there staring at the ceiling, at the faded posters from his youth and the swear words he'd written on the walls when he was having a bad day. He glanced towards his alarm clock, seeing that it was nearly 4 in the morning, and was reminded of awaiting execution. A moment later, his gaze fell on the picture of Amanda that was beside his clock - she had been six then, and had borrowed some of his eyeliner and put one of his black t-shirts on over the pale pink dress she was wearing. She smiled at the camera, carefree. He'd taken that joy from her. 

In the morning, he managed to wake Dirk, and the two of them headed down to breakfast. Amanda was already there, as were his parents. He swallowed, wondering why his throat was so dry, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw the way Martin and the other Rowdies were staring at him, licking their lips as though he were a juicy steak.  
"I lied," he blurted out. He had to say it now, before he lost his courage entirely. Dirk was standing beside him, holding his hand. "I never had pararibulitis, not until a few months ago. I just needed the money, and..." he closed his eyes and shook his head. "And I messed up. I said I got better when Amanda actually needed the money but by then... by then it was too late. And I hated what I'd done but I couldn't undo it. I never meant to hurt anyone, and I didn't know Amanda would get sick..."

He risked a glance at his parents' expressions. They both stared at him coldly, and his mother looked as though she had been hit. It was his dad who spoke, picking his words with more care than Todd felt he deserved.  
"I thought so. I mean, I hoped you weren't... I hoped it wasn't all a lie. But you recovered the moment Amanda got sick, and... I didn't think we could be that lucky."  
"I'm sorry," Todd whispered.

"I know you are," Amanda said in turn. "But that doesn't make it all alright."

Todd nodded, wanting to run away, but Dirk guided him to the table and he sat down to eat. The food tasted like ashes in his mouth.

Todd was already wondering if he would be able to sneak off home, leaving his family to consider his inevitable status as an awful human being without having to overhear it. But Dirk at least seemed happy - he was going shopping with Amanda, and the Rowdies were helping Todd's dad clear up the garden. The second they'd heard that a lot of bushes and weeds and an old shed needed smashing, they'd offered to help.

Todd was almost certain his father had no idea what he was letting himself in for, but was too curious about what might happen to point that out. Every so often, it was a relief to allow someone else to handle lighting the blue touchpaper, and just sitting back to watch the fallout.

When the Rowdies all trooped out to the garden, and Amanda and Dirk headed to get some groceries, Todd went to the kitchen to do the washing up, hoping it would in some way make up for many years of generally being shitty. He tensed as he heard his mom enter the room.  
"Amanda explained what her friends did... it's good that you know people like that, that can help if you get an attack."

Todd nodded slowly, wondering if he was about to be shouted at.  
His mom hesitated.  
"What about Dirk? If he's from the same place they are, what's. what's special about him?"  
"A lot." Todd answered honestly, before registering what his mom was trying to ask. "He's just... lucky, in a way. If he wants to know something, often the universe helps him find it. He's not psychic, not exactly and he hates being called that. He just... knows things."  
"Knows things?"  
"Like where he needs to be, or what he needs to do. But he's..." He sighed, and looked his mother in the eye. "He's a good guy mom. Better than I deserve, but he likes me and I'm not stupid enough to turn my back on that. He's annoying as fuck, but with what he can do he could have made millions, or kept on the run. And instead he wanted to help people." Todd sighed slightly. "I guess... in a way that's his ability. He makes me want to be the kind of guy that he should have."

Todd's mom embraced him, and he could feel her crying softly on his shoulder. He rubbed her back.  
"He's why I talked to Amanda about the truth. And she hates me for it, but if we... if we can move past this, any relationship we have is real, it's … it doesn’t have that lie any more." 

At that moment, Dirk walked back in, carrying a couple of bags and a dusty book. He paused, looking at them.  
"Ooh, is it cuddle time?" he asked. "I like cuddle time." He walked over and embraced them, and Amanda laughed slightly before allowing him to pull her into the hug.

***

That night lying in bed, Dirk cuddled up against his chest holding onto a teddy bear that Todd knew for a fact hadn't been packed, Todd felt almost calm.  
"We did okay?"  
"I said they wouldn't hate you," Dirk pointed out in his smug 'I know everything' voice. Todd sighed, but didn't argue that fact.  
"I just... I was an asshole. I want to punch my past self in the face."  
"You can't," Dirk argued. "If you did that would mean you'd know about time travel before you knew about time travel. If you haven't punched yourself yet then you can't do it."

Todd wished sometimes that Dirk didn't treat time loops quite so calmly. He was fairly sure the average person would be bothered by them, but Dirk just acted completely calmly around them. Todd had contemplated asking how many his life had involved, before deciding he would rather not know.

***

Todd had faced a number of disconcerting and at points terrifying experiences when he had been with Dirk - everything from fantasy lands to kittens that were actually sharks. There was still little that compared to the sheer raw terror of waking up, nuzzling your face into your boyfriend's hair, and hearing his voice from the hall.  
"I still think this is a bad idea," Dirk said clearly, and Todd tensed, trying to ease himself from the sleeping figure without drawing attention. He had no idea who he was holding, and was hoping it would turn out to be Mona.

The door to his room opened, and Todd found himself staring at himself, and Dirk - both of whom were coated in mud, their clothing ripped, and Dirk sported a nasty would to the top of his left leg.

The other Todd marched forwards, drew his head back, and slammed his fist into Todd's face.  
"The fuck did you do that for?!" Todd whimpered, and the other Todd snarled at him then stalked off. 

Todd's cry had woken Dirk, who looked up, and the two Dirks shrugged at each other.  
"I told him it was a bad idea," the otherDirk said.  
"I know," the Dirk that was in the bed replied. "I'll tell him as well, but it won't make any difference."  
"Just remember this code," OtherDirk passed over a piece of paper, which actual Dirk tucked into the pocket of his pyjama pants. Then OtherDirk left, and actual Dirk turned his attention to Todd.  
"Are you okay?"  
"I hate my life," Todd muttered, wondering if he should just go back to sleep.


End file.
